I know what you’re thinking.
And you have a valid point. Yes, even folks with neurotypical toddlers have experienced Christmases with no ornaments from toddler-reach level on down. We did too with our first child.
But as with everything in life and autism - it’s all in the details. Those of you who have an eye for detail and have/had children with sensory processing disorder or autism may have spotted it. He has systematically removed all the ornaments that didn’t suit his purpose. And then left each and every ornament with long ribbons or string. This is because ornaments with short hooks or loops won’t swing to his repetitive satisfaction.
It took me a while to notice the deliberateness of it. And that was after several swing-worthy ornaments fell - causing Callum to come to me for help in putting them back on the tree. When I attempted to put them down lower or higher? He strenuously objected until I deduced the correct location. His little brain had it all figured out, but it took mine weeks to see it.
I find that’s true with a lot of things about our kids, don’t you?
My daughter, Shannon, is 11 years old. We write her schedule down every night for the next day (Which we have to do three times, of course.) On Christmas eve I wrote down the schedule telling her family was coming over and this was the first Christmas that I was able to cook breakfast for everyone and have Shannon sit and participate. Also, no ornaments were knocked off and she even opened and played with her presents. I also took her to tour a house which had a little Christmas village in the house and she had eggnog and a cookie and the next day she wrote this: Christmas, cookie, drink, Savannah (her sister) because she wanted to go back to the house. It’s taken years but through lists, sign language and writing my daughter is able to participate and communicate. That was my greatest Christmas present. I hope everyone has a great new year with our special kids. Alisa
I love your blog. It has inspired me to start one of my own. Mainly for my friends and family to read and try to understand a little more. My son Jacob has Autism. He’ll be 9 in March. I also have a 12 yr old with Aspergers. (Both boys have ADHD as well) Our christmas tree looked the same as yours does! It’s funny to watch them.
Everyday after school the week before christmas, my son came home, even days of the week that he would usually be asleep as i got h im off the bus.. he ran into the house plugged in the lights to the tree and wandered around moving round, plain, shiny bulb after bulb around the bottom of the tree chanting ‘christmas tree, christmas tree’..
I’m really excited to have found this site <3
Wow! I am in awe of your son - how amazing and what a unique and inspiring view of the world. I think the most beautiful Christmas trees are the ones that are decorated (or rearranged) through the eyes of a child. I remember my Mum once let us do the tree all by ourselves - all the decorations were in a big clump at child’s eye level. Hilarious!
Awesome! My 13 yr old has severe ADHD, Anxiety, Insomnia and PTSD. This year he decided to decorate the tree himself, OMGOSH it made no sense at all to us, but he loved it! Absolutely ADHD.
I have to fight the urge to have my tree perfectly simetrical. It’s the PDD in me I guess. It was extremely difficult for me to not move the ornaments around after my boys went to bed. But they arranged them so that each ornament would be next to their “friends” or matching ornaments. I thought the caring behind their motivation was far more beautiful than a perfect tree could ever be. So I left it alone. My mother in law Jackie later told me her daughter still doesn’t really like to decorate her tree and believes it is because Jackie would let the kids decorate then “fix it” after they had gone to bed. Natalie always felt it was pointless to help because her efforts weren’t good enough. Wow was I glad I resisted the urge to move things after Jackie told me that story.
Amazing and very clever. How is that for critical thinking!!! Makes you think how much we overlook things when someone else ‘thinks outside the box’. Beautiful post. It brought a smile to my face.
Our autistic Christmas tree consisted of only about 15 handmade dough painted ornaments. All upbove 3 yr old head level. Easy to put up and easy to take down. No mom, I do not want you to buy me that sentimental breakable expensive ornament! I don’t want to feel that guilt of not ever putting it up on our tree for the fear of it getting broke. My Christmas is not about how nicely decorated our tree and house is, or how many family members we can make happy by stopping by to open gifts. It’s about keeping US happy. Keeping US sane. I have a 2 and 3 yr old autistic children (daughter and son) and a 5 yr old typical smart, outgoing daughter. Little does she know now but when her mommy and daddy are gone to heaven she will have a lot on her plate. And I hope she plans on being involved with them sooner rather than later. I’m enjoying reading your blog. We have so much in common, it’s refreshing to find someone like me. Thank you
MY SON LOVES THE COLOR PURPLE…SO OUR CHRISTMAS TREE IS HAS ONLY PURPLE DECORATIONS AND LIGHTS…HE LOVES IT AND HIS BROTHERS’ WOULDN’T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY FOR HIM…
I feel so proud of myself and my son when I finally figure out what he is trying to teach me. He is 8 and is learning to read. He will watch his favorite dvd’s with subtitles, and press pause and play a million times… so annoying, right? … EXCEPT that he is then taking those words and typing them!!! He’ll bring me his ipod, show me the typed word “croak” and verbally say “croak” … and I’m so proud of him!! And so thankful that he is sharing it with me!!
**He was non-verbal until this year….
Yay! Good for him! And I love that he is directing your attention to it as well.
It is SO awesome! not only is he learning to read, and talk.. but he wants YOU to know about it, which is a beautiful time for a parent with a child on the spectrum
That is aesome! Way to go little man!
The essence of Christmas is Jesus Christ, not on what how our Christmas tree looks like or what is under the Christmas tree.
Are Christians precluded from sharing a laugh about their Christmas trees? Surely God isn’t upset about a two year old boy decorating a tree?
Merry Christmas!
I alwys cringe when I see those perfectly decorated trees, with all matchy, matchy ornaments, bows and ribbons. It’s so impersonal and says so little (or maybe so much) of the owner. I love your tree and I love how your son has chosen to decorate it. i am sure at some point, someone told Picasso at some point, he couldn’t paint.
Yes, you might say my son likes action oriented Christmas trees!
Dude, that is one SWINGIN’ tree, love it!
Thanks! It’s going to be sad to take it down. Perhaps I’ll procrastinate.
Hi just found your site! My Bella is 4.5 and we decorated the whole tree this year!!!!! Hahahahahahahahahha!!!!! SUCCESS!!! You’ll get there too, oh and yes she had rearranged it! But who cares!!!!
I wholeheartedly agree. There will come a day when I have a perfect Christmas tree again, but will miss my little “swinger”.
This is wonderful. So glad to have discovered this blog — I love it!
Thanks so much! Hope to see you here again.
This Christmas my 12-year-old son with autism helped put up the Christmas decorations. I have an angel collection that I put on either side of my Nativity set, which is in the middle of the fireplace mantle. Matthew kept asking me, “Boy or girl?” when he was putting up the angels. I finally figured out that he was putting the boy angels on one side of the Nativity set and the girls on the other . . . and since I have more girl angels than boy angels, the arrangement looked a little lopsided. But once I saw that that was what he was doing, I decided, I’m going to let him do it his way!
Good for him. As a middle school teacher who has hosted lock-ins, I’m all in favor of keeping the boys separated from the girls!
judithornot, I find it is a lot like those puzzles that you have to stare at until you see it. Autistic kids are fascinating little souls. despite all the worries we may have for them. I’m glad that people are beginning to reassess whether or not it is possible to test for intelligence with severely autistic people. I know one autistic boy who is a calendar savant. He can instantly tell you the day of the week for any date in history. He can also do algebra. Yet, he is profoundly affected by his autism socially. I think it would be hard to argue that he isn’t brilliant. How can science begin to assess intelligence like that? I maintain that it cannot. But, if we keep paying attention, their intelligence seeps out in little moments where you just say, “Oh! Look what he’s doing…”
I still struggle to see the patterns our grandson sees. It makes me happy to read about how you and the other mothers who have commented have figured it out. I need to expand my range of possibilities!
ha at our house the tree had ‘porkies’ (translate to pricklies) and was thus untouchable, with many uhm urgent ‘requests’ for things to come off that came without words and often meltdowns, until i took him into the kitchen and made him sign for please before I gave him the drink that signaled calming time….he drank, went back to the tree….
i sighed ready for round two.
he screeched and then began to sign for please with his little hand rather aimed at what he wished to touch…but he moved back and forth doing his dance, waiting ‘patiently’ reigning himself in….
i lifted him up….HE SMILED AND POINTED AND SIGNED PLEASE again and when I said yes, GENTLY touched his eyes full of wonder! I told him that he could sit on the couch and hold them if he could use his ‘words’ and continue to be careful and I told him I was proud of him.
That strategy seems to work very well with all of the NT little ones whose parents are equally seasonally stressed out asking me how do I work such miracles so that they are hollering and bickering.
Thanks for this one, it reminded me of the value of gratitude
I love that. We felt success when we taught him to touch instead of throw. Touching evolved to swinging, but that was good enough for me!
I feel like I’ve cracked some kind of centuries old code when I see the purpose in the things my son does. If it’s lining up his crayons in a specific order (the colors of The Wiggles - including Dorothy the Dinosaur!) or putting magnetic letters in a row (to represent the seasons - w for winter; s for spring; s for summer & f for fall) once I figure it out it’s truly like winning the lottery! I’m thankful for the appreciation this journey has given me. Perhaps a NT mother would overlook what we search for!
I get a kick out of figuring out stuff like this. Makes me feel smart! lol