Pranking Autistic Pre-schoolers and Other Ill-Advised Pursuits

Posted on March 25, 2013 by FlappinessIs

Bronwyn, my 5 year-old, has discovered YouTube. For the most part, this is a good thing. She watches kids’ music videos, children’s stories, and monster makeup tutorials made by other kids. She enjoys these “tatorials” so much that I can hear her “filming” her own videos, speaking directly to her audience as she discusses how to do such things as washing one’s own hair, counting to 100 by 5’s, and so forth. It’s cute, but I fear she is going to ask me for her own channel soon. No, she won’t be getting one.

Recently, she asked if she could watch some little girl “pranking” her family members. The pranks were innocent enough, so I allowed it. Big mistake. Now she is stalking our home, lying in wait for some way to prank us all. (You should have seen her delight when her daddy discovered the salt in his morning cup of coffee.) Really, it’s been kind of cute watching her tap into her imagination, although we did have to have a discussion about funny vs. mean pranks.

You probably have guessed where this is going. Yes, my little stinker wants Callum to join in the fun. So I explained to her that her little brother probably wasn’t going to appreciate being pranked and that we should all refrain from doing so. Being a little Choleric, she of course ignored my advice and set about pranking Callum. It didn’t go well. He thought it was funny when she jumped out at him from behind a door, but that’s where the hilarity ended. Hiding his candy, letting the water out of his bathtub, and touching ice to the back of his neck were all spectacular disappointments as well. (Which earned her repeated trips to time out in her room.) So I’m going to go out on a limb here and state emphatically that playing practical jokes on autistic preschoolers is ill-advised. Somebody alert the media.

I must say that I was impressed with Callum’s handling of it all. He may not have much language, but he has communication. And, boy, did he communicate. He yelled, growled his displeasure, and – understandably for any long-suffering little brother – gave her a little shove. A clear case of self-defense, so he escaped prosecution.

True Story - “How a Hog Pen Saved Me from Death”

As for my daughter’s love of practical jokes, I blame my husband. She inherited it from him – along with his nose, a suspected case of ADHD, and a decidedly grumpy morning demeanor. (It has been suggested to me by her teachers that I have her tested for gifted. Let’s just attribute her staggering intellect to me, shall we?) I’m more like Callum. I don’t like surprises. I have sensory issues. And don’t even think about messing with my food. Nope, I don’t like being on the receiving end of a practical joke at all, though I confess to having orchestrated a few really good ones. (The best one nearly got me killed.)

But you know what I love? The fact that my daughter loves her little brother so much that she constantly tries to find ways to entertain him. Her solutions – at 5 years-old – leave much to be desired. But her little spirit is willing, and – for the most part - so is his.

How I look forward to seeing the trouble these little monsters get into together. J

Siblings are the people we practice on, the people who teach us about fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring, quite often the hard way.

- Pamela Dugdale

I’m Guest Posting at WhattoExpect.com

Posted on March 21, 2013 by FlappinessIs

I’m guest posting at What to Expect again. If you’ve been with me a while, you might have read this one before. It’s “So You’re Wondering If Your Child Might Be Autistic”, which I would describe as a starting place for someone worried about autism in a small child. This post is one I get the most email correspondance from concerned parents. I hope it helps someone in those first days of wondering and worrying.

So you’re wondering if your child might be autistic. I know. I’ve been where you are sitting right now. Searching the Internet for signs of autism spectrum disorders. Going back up to the search bar to enter a different set of keywords, hoping to find some other site that will assure you that these strange behaviors your child has been evidencing are perfectly normal. Telling yourself he is just a little behind. Sharing your worries with a friend or family member, calming down for a day or two after being reassured by them that, no, it isn’t autism. And now you are wondering if you are just being paranoid. You’re worried that you might be borrowing trouble that you don’t need and possibly stigmatizing your child with a label that will follow him around for life. Yep, I’ve been there — and quite recently. (Continued…)

Dear Relative: What Are You Waiting For?

Posted on March 19, 2013 by FlappinessIs

Dear Relative,

Yes, I’m talking to you. You know who you are. You have an autistic child in your family. It might be your grandchild or niece or nephew. It might even be your own child. I know you love him. You want the best for this child. I know you grieve for him. If you had it in your power to give this child a ”normal” life, I know you would. But you can’t.

You see, all of these emotions are normal. For every family that must contend with autism – in particular severe autism – there is a period of shock, sadness, and feelings of loss. Loved ones may invest a lot of emotional energy and money into finding therapies – all in an effort to give this child as typical of a life as possible. You are hoping and praying for the day when he makes great strides – talks, plays, uses the toilet, and learns to read. That’s wonderful, because hope is what gives us the energy to keep on fighting for our children.

But you seem to be stuck. You are still caught up in the grieving and all the questions that cannot be answered. You haven’t moved on to acceptance. That’s a problem. Because -while you are busy waiting, praying, and worrying -you have forgotten the child who is right here in front of you.

I know he isn’t always easy. The typical children in the family don’t scream when you take them someplace new. They can eat wherever you go. They love the things you buy for them. When you talk to them, they respond. It may seem like all of the fun things you want to do with the autistic child in your life aren’t possible, and that makes you sad. I get that. Sometimes, those moments make me sad too.

The thing is, you have forgotten what your job is here. Your job is to love and accept this child. As he is right now. Like every child in your life, he needs you too. Yet you seem to be waiting. Waiting for when he can do all the things you would like to do with him. You spend time with the other children in the family, but you limit time with him. He isn’t invited to spend the night. And, because he doesn’t enjoy the carousel, the concert, or whatever – he gets left behind. You figure he won’t notice.

The problem is that you might be right, or at least you will be soon. He doesn’t notice you. He doesn’t know you to be someone he spends a lot of time with. He doesn’t run to you when you come to the door. He doesn’t care if he pleases you. He doesn’t know you love him. Because love isn’t something that is simply declared – it’s shown. And because you are busy avoiding what makes you uncomfortable, you aren’t showing it. You are waiting for him to become somebody you understand.

But this child is already somebody now. He has things he likes to do. They just aren’t what you like to do. He gives affection. He just isn’t going to do so on command. He likes to go places. But those places aren’t going to be loud, filled with people, or in the blaring sun. There are so very many special moments awaiting you both, and you are letting them slip by.

If you want to have a relationship with him, you’re going to have to do better. He doesn’t know how to meet you where you are. You’re going to have to meet him where he is. Find out what he likes. Accept his autistic behaviors. Stop focusing so much on what you want him to be and accept him for who he is. Take joy in him now. Because the day you are hoping and praying for may very well arrive. He is still growing and developing. Still making connections and learning how to be himself in a very strange world. And the time may come when he reveals how very much he noticed all along — and asks you where you were.