Several years ago, when teaching research to students, I insisted upon them using index cards. It’s an old-fashioned method now, but one that stands the test of time. It forces a child to place just one fact or idea at a time on a card, and then to cite the source. Later, they assemble all of their cards in a logical order, and use them as a guide to write their first draft. It teaches them how to paraphrase and think/write original paragraphs. Otherwise, it is entirely too easy for them to plagiarize.
When I taught this to my students, I always talked about the dangers of plagiarism — how it could get them kicked out of college, fired from a job, or sued. But I didn’t talk much about the morality of it. I didn’t explain to them how violated a person could feel by the theft of his own words. I didn’t convey that to plagiarize something is to wrong the person who wrote it. I confess that my own thinking was centered upon the negative effects on those who commit plagiarism rather than the victim.
Now I know differently. Earlier this week, it was brought to my attention that a woman was copying and pasting my work here to her own Facebook page. She has over 1000 followers. Not only did she copy and paste my pieces in their entirety without asking permission, she didn’t give me credit. And — she substituted my child’s name with that of her own child.
Because she has so many followers, I got to read all of their comments praising her as a writer and encouraging her to turn my work into a book. Not once did she correct any of the dozens of comments under each post she stole from me. Instead, she basked in their praise.
Naturally, I decided to research her a bit further. I found that she is on the board of an autism non-profit. I found articles about her efforts on behalf of autism families in her community, and the charity’s website. I also located her workplace’s website and saw a smiling picture and a glowing write-up of her character. She also is an autism mother, a wife, and holds a full-time job outside of her home.
Conveying my feelings about her and her actions is difficult. On one hand, I am furious. Those posts are me. My life. My scars. My child. I earned those words. And though I may have some mixed up feelings about how what I’ve always dreamed of doing — writing — came as the result of my child’s autism, I take pleasure in writing. It is my outlet, my voice, and my opportunity to connect with others who share my feelings. It’s me. She stole me.
At the same time, I pity her. As a special needs parent, she most certainly shares those feelings as well. Clearly, she has not yet found a way to express them. And, sadly, it is obvious that she desperately needs the attention and admiration of her friends and family. Enough to risk getting caught plagiarizing. I can’t imagine how humiliating that would be for her. Her husband and family. The non-profit she is affiliated with. It’s a small city. Hailing from one myself, I know what she would be facing. Knowing that, I can’t imagine why she took the chance. My blog has a pretty good readership (thanks to all of you) and my Facebook page three times that. The odds of her being caught at some point by someone she knows (and she has Facebook friends from her autism non-profit on her page) were pretty high. And, eventually she was caught. Not only did she plagiarize me, she stole someone’s else’s article right off of a well-known website. (That author has forwarded it to that company’s legal team.)
In my thinking, this woman clearly has problems. And, as angry as I am, I don’t wish to see her life destroyed. She did what I asked — to take them down. (Although her response was a terse “done” rather than an apology.) So, I’m not going to sue. I’m not going to out her. I’m not going to message all of the friends who praised her “writing talent”. I’m going to forgive her and give her a chance to learn a lesson — and perhaps practice a little introspection.
If she is reading this right now, I have something to say. You really lucked out in the victim department when you chose me. Other folks might have taken a different course. So, don’t do it again. I bet you have your own words somewhere inside your heart and mind. Every person does. Start your own blog -not to get praise and recognition, but so that you have a place to sort out your emotions and interact with others in your shoes. And then leave those thoughts and emotions there, so that you can carry out your day. By doing so, you’ll also sleep more easily at night.
“It would be curious to discover who it is to whom one writes in a diary. Possibly to some mysterious personification of one’s own identity.”
-Beatrice Webb [←Note use of proper credit.]
“I recover my property wherever I find it.” -Jean Baptiste Poquelin Moliere
You have wisdom and compassion beyond your years.
This is going to sound condescending, and I don’t mean it to - I mean it sincerely: I am SO proud of how you handled this - with grace, dignity, restraint and even compassion. Her terse “done” says a hundred things about her shame with just that one word. She will have to answer questions about why she took down all those posts, and whether she lies or tells the truth - she has to live with it. Neither option is very attractive, so in the end, you truly exacted the best consequence for what she did. The only question is whether she’ll learn from this mistake. Here’s to hoping she does.
It was very big of you not to pursue the matter… i do hope this lady finds help somewhere. somehow… Have a good week.
Thank you so much for sharing this story. ‘She’ may not learn from it (as evidenced by no apology), but many others will. Your reasoning about why this has been so harmful is so valuable. As I am working with graduate students on blogging, this post will be a required ‘read’.
You are a very Christian woman! Even though I don’t know you personally, I am proud to know you through your blogging. You have such a forgiving heart, and you are so smart and talented as well! I join many others in saying that I hope this person appreciates the great gift of your compassionate forgiveness. This pitiful woman could steal your words for a time, but never your talent or your character.
Wow, wow, wow.
This is why I wish I knew how to formally copywrite my work. I have been plagiarised in the past and was unable to prove that the work was originally my own. It’s dreadfully upsetting to know that you’ve spent hours on a piece only for somebody to take moments to copy/paste your work and change a few details here and there.
I’m a member of a gardening community online - with members worldwide. Recently somebody posted a warning about somebody viewing the site and stealing member posts to use on their blog. Among hundreds of others, many of my posts - including photographs - were used. as a community we don’t know what to do, as if we put the settings to “members only” the guilty party could join and we’d still have no way of knowing who was leaking and plagiarising member posts!
You handled this with grace and dignity. I hope she has learned a lesson, although I fear she may not truly understand the affect of her actions. Perhaps she will read this post.i hope so.
Wow! This is so sad, for both of you. I am positive that I would not have handled it as graciously as you have.
You are a true teacher. You look past the violation and see what it is that she is trying to do (give words to her experience) and you encourage her and tell her that she can do it properly,and to give it a try. You admonish without belittling her. And I don’t doubt for a minute that it would make you happy to see her find her voice. You are the kind of teacher who changes lives.
I understand how you feel. I wrote a poem several years ago, “The Misunderstood Child.” Many people have written to me to ask for permission to post it and I always give them permission. But I hate it when it is posted without proper stanzas and without my name on it. I am thrilled that it touches people’s hearts. That was my intent. But I’d kind of like to see my name on it. The more people post it without my name, the more likely it will someday end up being posts as “author unknown.” LOL! Once someone posted only a portion of the poem and without my name. I wrote and asked him to post it in it’s entirety and with my name and he became angry and belligerent. So I asked him to take it down. Sheesh. Anyway, kudos to you for handling this with grace and compassion.
Leigh, you are so kind. And I especially appreciate your advice at the end of this post: “I bet you have your own words somewhere inside your heart and mind. Every person does. Start your own blog –not to get praise and recognition, but so that you have a place to sort out your emotions and interact with others in your shoes. And then leave those thoughts and emotions there, so that you can carry out your day. By doing so, you’ll also sleep more easily at night.”
I’m pretty sure you are able to sleep well at night knowing you gave this woman some mercy. And as others have said, I am so impressed and not at all sure I would have been as kind.
You, my friend, have far more dignity and grace than I. I’m still ready to snap my fingers and dance
I absolutely love your writing style! I am amazed with every article you’ve shared with us and am admittedly jealous of your ability. (I am pretty sure that was a serious grammar infraction! This is why I do not blog!)
I, too, can empathize with another person’s circumstances. I also feel that no matter the circumstances, one should still be held accountable for his or her actions. She got off incredibly easy this particular instance. I do believe that she knows right from wrong and should have acted accordingly! You had/have every right legally and morally to call her out. It is classy of you to do so privately while still sharing your shock/disappointment/pain here with us. While you could have pressed charges, I’m sure we all understand that we must choose which battles to fight to the death!
My respect for you deepens. Hope all else is going well!
Wow. I’m proud of you for taking the high road! (but I still wanna know her name:)
I’d want to know her name as well!! Maybe not to shout it from the rooftops but to avoid her blog. It sounds like with her other theft of the article mentioned, she may just get her ‘come-uppance’ anyway! I think her terse “done” says it all about this person’s attitude. She’s not even sorry she was caught out; she appeared to be annoyed about it.
p.s. I enjoy your blog a great deal and love your writing style!
My comment didn’t show up…hmm. Anyway, I applaud you. and I think you’ve handled this infraction with much grace. As for your plagiarist, well, I hope she realizes what a tremendous second chance she has been given.
You handled this with grace and professionalism.
I hope she realizes what a tremendous second chance she’s been given and gets some help. Wow.
You were *very* merciful! I’m so impressed!
Thinking on it, she is _so_ lucky you weighed the evidence and and thought through a decisive course of action- I probably would have lashed out immediately, and mercilessly, exposing her to every one of her “adoring” friends in one fell swoop.
She clearly didn’t think things through to the same level- How would she have been able to face her friends again, once the lie was made known? How do you pick up the pieces of your life after something like that?
I’m not surprised that she simply wrote “done”. The awesomeness it would have taken to
actually make a sincere repair attempt and apologize to the offending parties is usually reserved for people who would never have done the misdeed to begin with.
May good kharma flow your way…
Wow, my comment disappeared! ( I said I thought you handled it with grace and aplomb.
This was an incredible response to something so violating. I’m very impressed with how you’re handling this here.
And I hope she is reading and realizes how painful her actions were.
That was very kind of you, especially in light of her terse response. She must have no conscience or is very insecure. I admire your restraint. I hope this woman finds a more productive outlet for herself.
Your writing is amazing, and I’m sure many of us wish that we could express our feelings as well as you do. But it really takes brass cojones to change the child’s name and pass off your work as hers. That move is almost deliberately self-destructive in its stupidity, unless she is one of those supremely entitled sorts. Good for you for claiming your work. Do you formally copyright it?
You make taking the high road look easy. This woman is extremely lucky. I hope she learns her lesson and that she is forever cognizant that actions have far reaching consequence.
Thank you for this and for being kind. Hard when your soul has been violated. I pinned this on my Better Writing and Blogging Board. http://pinterest.com/pin/147141112796691832/
I see people using my trademark and quoting me without attribution. Haven’t the money to do much, so I send a letter asking them to cease and desist. One trademark violator did nothing, so I alerted Google but they did nothing.
My life will go on and I am happy with myself. Those who steal have to live with a crooked heart and will suffer more than you and I. Stay strong.
I have no words. NO WORDS. Seriously. Why do people do this?
You are a better person than I am.
um wow. You probably don’t want to out the page on fb here but I would love to know who not to follow.