Several years ago, when teaching research to students, I insisted upon them using index cards. It’s an old-fashioned method now, but one that stands the test of time. It forces a child to place just one fact or idea at a time on a card, and then to cite the source. Later, they assemble all of their cards in a logical order, and use them as a guide to write their first draft. It teaches them how to paraphrase and think/write original paragraphs. Otherwise, it is entirely too easy for them to plagiarize.
When I taught this to my students, I always talked about the dangers of plagiarism — how it could get them kicked out of college, fired from a job, or sued. But I didn’t talk much about the morality of it. I didn’t explain to them how violated a person could feel by the theft of his own words. I didn’t convey that to plagiarize something is to wrong the person who wrote it. I confess that my own thinking was centered upon the negative effects on those who commit plagiarism rather than the victim.
Now I know differently. Earlier this week, it was brought to my attention that a woman was copying and pasting my work here to her own Facebook page. She has over 1000 followers. Not only did she copy and paste my pieces in their entirety without asking permission, she didn’t give me credit. And — she substituted my child’s name with that of her own child.
Because she has so many followers, I got to read all of their comments praising her as a writer and encouraging her to turn my work into a book. Not once did she correct any of the dozens of comments under each post she stole from me. Instead, she basked in their praise.
Naturally, I decided to research her a bit further. I found that she is on the board of an autism non-profit. I found articles about her efforts on behalf of autism families in her community, and the charity’s website. I also located her workplace’s website and saw a smiling picture and a glowing write-up of her character. She also is an autism mother, a wife, and holds a full-time job outside of her home.
Conveying my feelings about her and her actions is difficult. On one hand, I am furious. Those posts are me. My life. My scars. My child. I earned those words. And though I may have some mixed up feelings about how what I’ve always dreamed of doing — writing — came as the result of my child’s autism, I take pleasure in writing. It is my outlet, my voice, and my opportunity to connect with others who share my feelings. It’s me. She stole me.
At the same time, I pity her. As a special needs parent, she most certainly shares those feelings as well. Clearly, she has not yet found a way to express them. And, sadly, it is obvious that she desperately needs the attention and admiration of her friends and family. Enough to risk getting caught plagiarizing. I can’t imagine how humiliating that would be for her. Her husband and family. The non-profit she is affiliated with. It’s a small city. Hailing from one myself, I know what she would be facing. Knowing that, I can’t imagine why she took the chance. My blog has a pretty good readership (thanks to all of you) and my Facebook page three times that. The odds of her being caught at some point by someone she knows (and she has Facebook friends from her autism non-profit on her page) were pretty high. And, eventually she was caught. Not only did she plagiarize me, she stole someone’s else’s article right off of a well-known website. (That author has forwarded it to that company’s legal team.)
In my thinking, this woman clearly has problems. And, as angry as I am, I don’t wish to see her life destroyed. She did what I asked — to take them down. (Although her response was a terse “done” rather than an apology.) So, I’m not going to sue. I’m not going to out her. I’m not going to message all of the friends who praised her “writing talent”. I’m going to forgive her and give her a chance to learn a lesson — and perhaps practice a little introspection.
If she is reading this right now, I have something to say. You really lucked out in the victim department when you chose me. Other folks might have taken a different course. So, don’t do it again. I bet you have your own words somewhere inside your heart and mind. Every person does. Start your own blog –not to get praise and recognition, but so that you have a place to sort out your emotions and interact with others in your shoes. And then leave those thoughts and emotions there, so that you can carry out your day. By doing so, you’ll also sleep more easily at night.
“It would be curious to discover who it is to whom one writes in a diary. Possibly to some mysterious personification of one’s own identity.”
-Beatrice Webb [←Note use of proper credit.]
“I recover my property wherever I find it.” -Jean Baptiste Poquelin Moliere
Since beginning this blog just short of a month ago, I’ve had a few people email me to ask me questions like, “Is it hard to set up a blog like this?”, “How did you learn how to do this?”, etc. While it is awfully nice that they would ask me these questions, I am a newbie. But it got me thinking about my experiences with blogging over the past few weeks, and I find that I have learned a few things. So, if you are thinking about starting your own ASD/special needs parent blog, here’s what I have gleaned so recently:
