If You Were Cured Tomorrow

Callum says "Cheese!" for the camera when busted "redecorating" his bedroom.

Callum says “Cheese!” for the camera when busted “redecorating” his bedroom.

If you were cured tomorrow, life would be easier for you.  You could eat without ritual, go anywhere without fear, and would understand everything being said – even when it isn’t being said.

If you were cured tomorrow, people wouldn’t stare.  Your play would not be questioned and corrected.  You wouldn’t feel compelled to move and shout and seek in the ways that you do.  You would sit in rooms where people talked to you instead of about you.

If you were cured tomorrow, I would ask you to explain so many things.

If you were cured tomorrow, you would gain better access to all those beautiful dreams we wished for you before we knew you.

But, if you were cured tomorrow, you would be a stranger to me.  Living a stranger’s dream.  And I would never get to see you live the dreams you have for yourself.

If you were cured tomorrow, my worries would be eased — but my heart would be broken.

Because I love you.  You you.  Not some hypothetical you.  Not the you you might have been had you not turned out to be you.  It’s all very complicated.  And it’s all very simple.

If you were cured tomorrow, I’d miss you.


38 thoughts on “If You Were Cured Tomorrow

  1. Mary Palmer

    SO TRUE!!!!! Often I wish I knew what my son was thinking….but then he wouldnt be the little boy I LOVE so much!!! Thank you for sharing.

  2. Adel

    I wish that all those little boys and girls are cured tomorrow, and this nightmare (Autism) vanishes from our world.

    Very nice boy and very strong mother, wish you the best

    1. Rachel

      Thank you, Adel, but my life isn’t a nightmare. People saying it’s a nightmare, however… is.

      1. Profile photo of FlappinessIsFlappinessIs Post author

        Thanks, Adel. Like Rachel, I have to agree that his life is not a nightmare. I certainly did not wish to convey that it is. I was more thinking of how often people talk about “curing” autism. And then I wondered how I would feel if someone thought I was something to be cured of. I would never want my child to feel that way. I do think that autism is a part of the human spectrum – although, like Temple Grandin, I wish we could find a way to keep the advantages and diminish the negatives of being autistic. But to rid the world of it would be to rid the world of some wonderful people. That’s what I was trying to convey.

  3. Cathy K

    Beautiful words from a beautiful mom! Thank you for sharing this, I couldn’t agree more. My challenge is always to be the best mother to the child the universe gave me, but that is also my greatest joy. All best wishes to you & Callum!

  4. Jim W

    wondered where you were going with it…started getting uncomfortable…and then you swooped in and saved it. Nicely written, Leigh.

  5. lisamay

    I am lost for words. Your wee boy is precious + definitely has been put into the arms of the right mommy. If only every one of us would stop and think before we judge or speak + cherish our children however they are….after all we are only a few years further on ourselves.Keep on loving x

  6. Lynne Pardi

    As usual, you have echoed the thoughts and feelings of so many of us Moms! I have often wondered how I would feel if my Jason was suddenly cured of his autism. Would he be the same Jay that we know and love? Though I would definitely say “YES” to a cure, I know that I would also suffer the emotional loss of the beautiful son that I have now. My heart would be broken too.

  7. Melissa Arrants

    Well written, Leigh. And while we do find ourselves often wishing for “normal” children, do we really know what “normal” is. And you are right, we wouldn’t know THAT child

  8. Goddessoflubbock

    I started reading, thinking oh jeez another curebie mom. Turns out to be just beautiful.

    Our goal was to help our son be the best HIM he could be. He’s come a long way and is a happy guy. There is nothing WRONG with him 😉

  9. jackie

    You did a beautiful job explaining that you love your child and love is more important than anything else!

  10. Lisa

    Beautiful poem, Leigh, truly. I think I’m getting there, but coming to terms with the autism diagnosis we received last year for 2 of our triplets is taking much longer for me than I thought it would. I HATE the self-injurious behavior and the lack of understanding of danger that both of my two autistic daughters have – it scares me & stresses me out immensely. Do I love my girls? Oh yes, but oh I wish I could take away so many of the struggles they have and still have them be the amazing children they are. I don’t want much, I just want them to be who they are and for them to never have to suffer, that’s all. I want to protect them from a world that will hurt them and yet even if they were neurotypical I still wouldn’t be able to protect them from all hurt and struggles.

  11. Tara Carreon

    Wow!! This is so beautiful it put tears in my eyes. You honestly made me look at my son with autism in a whole new light!! I never thought of it this way but your completely right!! As much as I get frustrated with his autism I cannot imagine him any other way!!! Thank you so much for sharing this, this really made my day :)

  12. Amy

    Sometimes things are put into perspective at the moment that I need them to be. I woke up having a difficult morning with my son and his stimming and a few of his more difficult (read often annoying) behaviors. I was in a bad mood and didn’t get enough sleep because of him deciding 4 am was a good time to wake up and not go back to sleep. A link to this blog post was one of the first things that I saw when I went to facebook this morning. PERSPECTIVE! You are completely right. I would miss my sweet boy and all of his personality if he were “cured” tomorrow. I love him for exactly who he is and wouldn’t trade him for anything…even when I do have a rough start to our day like today. Thank you for putting it into perspective! I SO NEEDED THIS TODAY!

  13. Krystal

    I couldn’t agree with you more. Would a “cure” make things easier? Hell yeah! But, it wouldn’t be our children. It would be someone else. Would they lose their innocence and sweet natures? Would they still be as brilliant and awe-inspiring? I don’t want to “cure” my children, I just want to give them the best life possible. Thank you for sharing.

  14. Stephanie Burrage

    That was beautiful and so true. Many times I have prayed my son would have an easier life but at the same time he wouldn’t be him…and I love him for all he is just the way he is.

  15. Shell

    This is so beautiful. And gives me something to think about. I’m still in that stage of wishing for a cure, even though I don’t expect it(so more like wishing my son’s challenges away). I’m getting past it, slowly. This helps.

  16. Randy

    You put into words exactly how my wife and I feel about our daughter. It occurred to me one evening when I was thinking about how nice it would be for her to be instantly Healed. But then it also occurred to me that she would be completely different. My little princess would not be the same little girl that I love so much. After some pondering, I suddenly realized that she was not the one who needed to be healed, but instead she had healed her mommy and daddy.

    My wife and I struggled for 10 years to have a baby due to some fertility problems. The cruel thing about the problem was that the only cure was to become pregnant. Carrying a child full term would cure my wife of the disorder. When we finally had our daughter, we named her Eliana which means “God has heard my cry”. We had prayed for her for 10 years and He heard our cry. Later when she was diagnosed with autism, we sought healing from God for her. I questioned why he would let this happen. But in that moment on my front porch, I realized that Eliana had healed her mommy and daddy and that she was just fine the way she is.

  17. MrsC

    I’m reminded of the story of the young man with Asperger who, when asked whether he would take a pill that would “cure” autism, replied after some thought that he would take half the pill. You are right – we need to get away from this idea of deficits or impairments in autistic people. However, I am afraid that society, with its intolerance of (anything different – insert chosen characteristic here), is really ready for neurodiversity. That won’t stop me promoting it though.

    It looks like Callum has angel wings in that picture. :)

  18. Brandi Hoffman

    Leigh, Thank you so much for your insight. You amaze me when you put into words my exact feelings! (and it happens all the time!) Thanks again!

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  20. Magda

    This almost made me cry: it’s so poignant and sad all at the same time..exactly what I am feeling right now. Thank you.

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  22. Alana

    Thank you. This was beautiful and not wanting to change people and acknowledging problems and just all forms of lovely. It made me happy.

  23. Alana

    Love the picture. I like how he looks like he has wings.

    Also, like the post and think it is good/important/helpful/etc.

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